Review: Royal Caribbean - Rhapsody of the Seas - [December 14, 2003]

[Net Reviews]

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Reviewer Comments:

I just got off the Rhapsody on Sunday. This was my second cruise--my first was five years ago on the Paradise, after which my husband and I decided we would take one every 5th anniversary, whether we could afford it or not. We now live in Austin, and chose Rhapsody out of the Galveston ships because the Carnival Elation is Paradise's twin and the Norwegian Sea sounded too old.

EMBARKATION

The lines at the Port of Galveston were very long, but flowed relatively smoothly. We arrived at the port at about 1:00, and were in our stateroom by 2:30. 2,015 of the passengers were from Texas, a factoid I'll come back to later.

BTW, if you're looking for a cheap Galveston hotel with free cruise parking, avoid the Sandpiper Motel. It's a total fleabag, complete with a heater you have to climb a chair to reach. The room phone was from the JW Marriott in Houston, making my husband remark, "This is the kind of hotel that mugs other hotels in dark alleys!"

DECOR

Rhapsody is a fine example of thoughtful (if not extremely glamorous) design. The Centrum and dining room are stately, and the theater, Viking Crown lounge, and spa were very well designed for their purposes. The only really tacky touch was the hieroglyphics up and down the Solarium walls--it would've been truly lovely otherwise. My husband remarked that he thought the public spaces looked nearly identical to the
Paradise, but it's my understanding that she's one of the most subtly decorated Carnival ships (save the jungle-themed disco). We both thought the ship as a whole still looked relatively new and well maintained.

CABIN

The thoughtful design work really paid off here. We got the cheap interior stateroom, but it honestly had everything we needed in the just the right places. The movable platform for the TV was great and the mini-loveseat was a nice touch. The showerhead was removable and always had enough hot water. And we had an excellent attendant named Virginia.

FOOD

I had heard that RCCL wasn't a foodie line, but I figured it would at least be comparable with Carnival five years ago. To put it bluntly, I don't think it came close.

The dining room's entrees and desserts were generally good to very good, but nothing was particularly excellent or adventurous. The breads were decent, but rolls were always hard and served cold. The Windjammer Cafe was an adequate place for lunch, but breakfast was pretty weak (especially the disgusting, oily scrambled eggs--the omelet station became very popular because of them!). And the Solarium's pizza and hamburgers
tasted like cardboard--a major disappointment compared to the Paradise's marvelous pizza and garlic bread.

Also, since there were so many Texans, I think that the Rhapsody chefs pandered way too much to our perceived tastes. BBQ sauce was slathered on the filet mignon and offered with other things I thought inappropriate, like jerk chicken. A taco bar would've been a welcome addition to a lunch buffet one day out of the week, but the Windjammer had it every day except one ... when it was a *fajita* bar instead! Pardon me, but I do NOT go on vacation to eat the stuff I can get at home.

On the positive side, the wait staff (particularly our waiter Oleksiy, from the Ukraine) was friendly, attentive and had great timing. It was cute when they sang "Hey, Look Us Over" the final night (although it prompted my hubby to say, "This isn't going to be a Full Monty thing, is it?").

ENTERTAINMENT

I used to have a thing for guys with Australian accents, but the entertainment staff cured it in 24 hours. Cruise director James Andrews, assistant director "Bingo Sim," and port/shopping expert Andrea Thompson, all Aussie, acted *so* over-enthusiastic and hyper that they came across as, well, geeks.

The comedians were pretty good (especially the late show by Max Bocelli, a former Saturday Night Live writer), but I don't think that 2 out of 3 needed to be musical impressionists. Roloff's balancing act was pretty entertaining. We avoided the revue shows--I love most Broadway musicals, but hate random songs strung together for no reason.

I was going to sign up for the Guest Talent Show to sing something for my hubby, but apparently one was expected to bring their own sheet music or karaoke tape. It was just as well, because it was scheduled for 3:00 Saturday afternoon (the youth show was at 11:00 am!) rather than the prime time slot it got on the Paradise.

PORTS

Key West was interesting, but the stay probably doesn't need to be as long as it is (3:00 pm - midnight). We hit the "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" Museum, which was larger and more interesting that one might think. After an OK dinner at Margaritaville, we went on the Ghost Tour. The tone was not Serious Paranormal Investigation like the ones in New Orleans, but rather a really fun piece of street theater, complete with yelling "You're
Doomed!" at hecklers. So we had a good time overall, but Duval Street eventually gets boozier, louder, and more annoying as the night wears on. We left it to the whooping frat boys at about 10:30.

We had planned on not spending any money in Grand Cayman, since it's our understanding that gay cruises still aren't accepted there. But the weather was too rough for tendering that morning, so the visit was canceled entirely. No big loss to us, but the hardcore shoppers and people looking forward to the stingrays were understandably disappointed.

In Cozumel, we went on the Tulum Ruins Express tour. It was absolutely beautiful and fascinating (especially after the talk on the bus by Jose, a Mayan descendant), and the gorgeous beach at one side of the grounds made us regret not wearing our swimsuits. After that, we had just enough time to walk along the main drag to realize how repetitive it was: jewelry, t-shirts, bar, jewelry, t-shirts, bar...

DISEMBARKATION

The Immigration process started at about 7:30. Since we were in the lowest deck, it took us the longest time; we went through Immigration at about 9:45 and left the ship at about 10:15. But there weren't any major headaches.

MISCELLANEOUS

The 9:30 am announcements have got to go! (The volume control was hidden by the canned drinks on the vanity, so we didn't notice it until we were clearing out on Sunday morning.) If there's something I want to do in the morning, I can read about it in the flyer the night before and set my own **** alarm clock, thank you very much. The fact that they were done in that annoying hyperactive tone the staff maintained all week and tended to be about the activities which interested us the least (Bingo, port/shopping talks, art auctions) did not help.

Due to the time of the year, the guests tended to be in the 40s and up (I'm 32), and only about 60 children were on the ship. On the positive side, it was easy to maintain the Solarium and gym as the relaxing adult spaces they were intended to be. On the downside, the disco was dead pretty much every night (a real shame, since the Viking
Crown is a great space).

Also, there were many large groups of adult friends or relatives, but only 30 honeymooning couples; the atmosphere was down-home friendly rather than romantic. My husband noticed that we seemed to be the only people kissing or holding hands. Maybe it's a Texas cultural thing...

The Shipshape spa and gym were both fabulous. If you schedule a manicure or pedicure, ask for Veronica, a beautiful Jamaican lady who really seems to know skin inside and out.

BOTTOM LINE

I've made a lot of complaints here, but we did have a generally good time, and it was a great value for what we paid for it. I wouldn't pronounce this a bad cruise so much as a serious personality mismatch. Rhapsody's a handsome, user-friendly ship with a great lower-level staff. It's just that a lot of decisions were made at the top--menu planning, activity selection, overall tone--which we simply wouldn't have made ourselves. Because of those decisions (and the food), I don't think we will go back to Royal Caribbean.

But then again, if gambling and shopping are your main interests, you like having Texas comfort food in easy reach, and you want the cruise directors to go out of their way to make sure you're having a good time (and you really don't mind hearing Patsy Cline's "Crazy" every karaoke session), Rhapsody may be your idea of heaven. It is for some people--we had lunch with a few people who had already been on three or four times in
the short time she's been based in Galveston.

We're already discussing what might make our 15th anniversary cruise a better experience. My husband's thinking we should try one of the other lines which will be in Galveston in the future, like Princess or Celebrity. I'm thinking we should just drive to New Orleans instead.